Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Gosh.
What do I talk about first?
So many things have happened today that I think I have to list them in order to make sure that I cover all of it.
Here is my list:
1) Today I was informed that a student at my job knows that I keep this blog. I don't know how much he is reading and I don't know what to do. Yes, this is a public blog, but I write things in here that I would never want made "public". At least to my co-workers. So I am nervous about it and as I type in here tonight I feel as though I am being watched. Truth be told, the kid who knows about this blogger is seemingly very nice and respectable. I don't think that he would expose this site. And I don't think that I should have any cause to worry. But I do. This is MY journal and I have put a lot of effort into it and I don't want to ever have to explain myself when it comes to things I have written. Should I shut it down?
2) I spoke with my dad today, after not talking to him since New Year's. The longer I waited to call him, the more nervous and anxious I became. It was weird. My dad and I are very close, but he has said to me in the past: "I need you to give me 20 minutes of your week. Every week." And he's right. We should ALL have 20 minutes available, every week, for the people we love. I always get wrapped up in my dramatic bullshit that the days go by and I realize I have missed another phone call with my father. This man is my heart. I cherish his every being. I am very hard on him and I go through the day acting as though I am tough and "am embarrassed about everything he does", but when it comes down to it, I just love the man. He is very tough on me. Not in the way you would think. Truth is, he just wants the absolute best for me. The man truly believes that I have achievable dreams. He knows that acting is for me. He just wants me to prove it to myself. But damn that's a lot of pressure. Having someone believe in you more than you believe in yourself...AND they're your father? Shit. Sometimes the love I have for him makes me implode with nervous vomit. I think you understand.
3) public blog public blog public blog
4) I have to change the link to my website soon.
5) Yesterday for lunch I had an apple (granny smith, the only apple that can be deemed 'edible'") and a wheat roll with nothing on it. Pretty healthy, eh? Well today, we had free pizza at work and my yogurt and apple idea went down the tubes pretty quickly. You see, I can do it. I can be healthy. But when I am told that there is free pizza and I don't have to pay $2.50 for organic bullshit, do I say no? Do I spend the money on yogurt and granny's when I can just eat the pizza for free? FOR REAL NOW. Why does dieting cost so much more money that eating garbage? My point is: OKAY FINE! I WILL EAT HEALTHY! But why the FUCK do I have to go broke doing it? Does the government want us to be obese? All of the newspapers say that "America is getting fatter!" ARE WE SERIOUS? It costs MORE money to buy an apple and wheat roll than it does to buy a slice of pizza. Sure, water is free. But god forbid you want to drink a bottle of cranberry juice as a change up. That shit costs like $40! I mean, come on. I am willing to get into shape and all, but bitch gotta live.
6) I think I might have a nervous breakdown when Rita leaves and Kelly and I move into Manhatten.
7) Paul and I had the most wonderful and horrible argument last night. You see, I wanted to go out to dinner and not eat "shepard's pie". (The dinner he prepared the night before. Yes, I know. Peasant food.) Paul could eat it every day. hm. I offered to pay for us to eat a sushi dinner (his favorite), but that I would need to borrow $10 until Friday cuz I didn't have enough cash. But NOTE...I offered to PAY. Also don't forget that during my work day I offered to meet him at "The Food Emporium" to buy groceries. I was trying to be NICE and AGREEABLE. When I mentioned the idea of borrowing money from him, he said "No! You will go to an ATM cuz you never pay me back and you spend all of my money." (When I relayed this to Rita tonight she screamed back: "There is DOCUMENTED PROOF that you have gone dutch since he's been in NY!" And she's right) I told him that I couldn't believe that I had to spend $1.50 on an ATM to get cash when he had it sitting right on his dresser (I don't know how to spell dresser) We fought big time and eventually I just told him the truth. "I'm not happy in this relationship. I think you are mean to me and cut me down. I think that you take everything that bothers you out on ME and I am tired of spending my nights that way. Something needs to change now. You moving here or not. I don't want to be around you anymore." Paul responds with: "Then get out!"
Don't worry. Joe responds with a witty and intelligent and pinning him to the wall argument that he cannot deny. Paul gets nervous when he knows he's wrong and all he can say is: "I don't want to talk about this right now" or "just go home then. If you don't love me, go home." That old story. Bitch, we been together three years. Be a man and talk serious with your boyfriend. After much debate I do believe that Paul heard me and that he will see the difference between the good way to treat people you love and the bad way to treat people you love. If he doesn't learn the difference, then he will be spending alot of time alone. Thinking.
8) "The Bachlertette"...OMIGOD HOW DO YOU SPELL BACHLORETTE? AAAAGH! I HATE THE SHOW AND EVEN MORE SO I HATE THE SPELLING OF THE NAME! boof.
9) Today, Kelly told the landlord that we were moving. She's got balls, that one does. I am so thankful that she took care of that and that we can all focus on just moving. From what I hear, Pintu, our landslords, told Kelly that he would lower the rent in order for us to stay. UM!??!?!?! I mean, we should have "moved" MONTHS ago! For the love. In any case, we don't have to pay this month's rent cuz our security covers it and there, my friends, is my security deposit for my new apartment. A WHOPPING $670! Yeah! That FLIES in Manhatten. Oh boy.
10) I still love having my computer in my room.
Now I gotta go.
There's a dildo calling my name.
SIKE!
(of course....sorta sike)
What do I talk about first?
So many things have happened today that I think I have to list them in order to make sure that I cover all of it.
Here is my list:
1) Today I was informed that a student at my job knows that I keep this blog. I don't know how much he is reading and I don't know what to do. Yes, this is a public blog, but I write things in here that I would never want made "public". At least to my co-workers. So I am nervous about it and as I type in here tonight I feel as though I am being watched. Truth be told, the kid who knows about this blogger is seemingly very nice and respectable. I don't think that he would expose this site. And I don't think that I should have any cause to worry. But I do. This is MY journal and I have put a lot of effort into it and I don't want to ever have to explain myself when it comes to things I have written. Should I shut it down?
2) I spoke with my dad today, after not talking to him since New Year's. The longer I waited to call him, the more nervous and anxious I became. It was weird. My dad and I are very close, but he has said to me in the past: "I need you to give me 20 minutes of your week. Every week." And he's right. We should ALL have 20 minutes available, every week, for the people we love. I always get wrapped up in my dramatic bullshit that the days go by and I realize I have missed another phone call with my father. This man is my heart. I cherish his every being. I am very hard on him and I go through the day acting as though I am tough and "am embarrassed about everything he does", but when it comes down to it, I just love the man. He is very tough on me. Not in the way you would think. Truth is, he just wants the absolute best for me. The man truly believes that I have achievable dreams. He knows that acting is for me. He just wants me to prove it to myself. But damn that's a lot of pressure. Having someone believe in you more than you believe in yourself...AND they're your father? Shit. Sometimes the love I have for him makes me implode with nervous vomit. I think you understand.
3) public blog public blog public blog
4) I have to change the link to my website soon.
5) Yesterday for lunch I had an apple (granny smith, the only apple that can be deemed 'edible'") and a wheat roll with nothing on it. Pretty healthy, eh? Well today, we had free pizza at work and my yogurt and apple idea went down the tubes pretty quickly. You see, I can do it. I can be healthy. But when I am told that there is free pizza and I don't have to pay $2.50 for organic bullshit, do I say no? Do I spend the money on yogurt and granny's when I can just eat the pizza for free? FOR REAL NOW. Why does dieting cost so much more money that eating garbage? My point is: OKAY FINE! I WILL EAT HEALTHY! But why the FUCK do I have to go broke doing it? Does the government want us to be obese? All of the newspapers say that "America is getting fatter!" ARE WE SERIOUS? It costs MORE money to buy an apple and wheat roll than it does to buy a slice of pizza. Sure, water is free. But god forbid you want to drink a bottle of cranberry juice as a change up. That shit costs like $40! I mean, come on. I am willing to get into shape and all, but bitch gotta live.
6) I think I might have a nervous breakdown when Rita leaves and Kelly and I move into Manhatten.
7) Paul and I had the most wonderful and horrible argument last night. You see, I wanted to go out to dinner and not eat "shepard's pie". (The dinner he prepared the night before. Yes, I know. Peasant food.) Paul could eat it every day. hm. I offered to pay for us to eat a sushi dinner (his favorite), but that I would need to borrow $10 until Friday cuz I didn't have enough cash. But NOTE...I offered to PAY. Also don't forget that during my work day I offered to meet him at "The Food Emporium" to buy groceries. I was trying to be NICE and AGREEABLE. When I mentioned the idea of borrowing money from him, he said "No! You will go to an ATM cuz you never pay me back and you spend all of my money." (When I relayed this to Rita tonight she screamed back: "There is DOCUMENTED PROOF that you have gone dutch since he's been in NY!" And she's right) I told him that I couldn't believe that I had to spend $1.50 on an ATM to get cash when he had it sitting right on his dresser (I don't know how to spell dresser) We fought big time and eventually I just told him the truth. "I'm not happy in this relationship. I think you are mean to me and cut me down. I think that you take everything that bothers you out on ME and I am tired of spending my nights that way. Something needs to change now. You moving here or not. I don't want to be around you anymore." Paul responds with: "Then get out!"
Don't worry. Joe responds with a witty and intelligent and pinning him to the wall argument that he cannot deny. Paul gets nervous when he knows he's wrong and all he can say is: "I don't want to talk about this right now" or "just go home then. If you don't love me, go home." That old story. Bitch, we been together three years. Be a man and talk serious with your boyfriend. After much debate I do believe that Paul heard me and that he will see the difference between the good way to treat people you love and the bad way to treat people you love. If he doesn't learn the difference, then he will be spending alot of time alone. Thinking.
8) "The Bachlertette"...OMIGOD HOW DO YOU SPELL BACHLORETTE? AAAAGH! I HATE THE SHOW AND EVEN MORE SO I HATE THE SPELLING OF THE NAME! boof.
9) Today, Kelly told the landlord that we were moving. She's got balls, that one does. I am so thankful that she took care of that and that we can all focus on just moving. From what I hear, Pintu, our landslords, told Kelly that he would lower the rent in order for us to stay. UM!??!?!?! I mean, we should have "moved" MONTHS ago! For the love. In any case, we don't have to pay this month's rent cuz our security covers it and there, my friends, is my security deposit for my new apartment. A WHOPPING $670! Yeah! That FLIES in Manhatten. Oh boy.
10) I still love having my computer in my room.
Now I gotta go.
There's a dildo calling my name.
SIKE!
(of course....sorta sike)
